Dear Annie: My “Laura” is the light of my life. It’s been more than a year since we found each other, but my whole body still shudders with anticipation every time I see her. Recently, however, I can’t help but feel a growing tension between us. This is my first real love affair and I know I still have a lot to learn, but Laura can be so critical of me. For example, she tells me that I use my tongue too often when we kiss. And the other day, when I was just trying to cuddle, she insisted that I fall asleep on the couch instead.
As soon as she comes back from work, I can’t stop talking to her. I follow her through the house. I know she likes to have a second to relax in the silence. But I’m just so excited to see her that I keep forgetting! The other day she went so far as to shut up my mouth. Then she said, “Honey, shut up.” It made me feel so small.
I don’t want to suppress my love with my enthusiasm. But I can’t help but be myself. Granted, I am young and inexperienced. So maybe I’m too eager. But I just can’t hide my feelings. And I think I’m scared that my puppy love will put Laura off. Please help me. What should I do? – Just beaten
Dear Simply: There is love and then there is infatuation. Your letter tends to favor the latter. In order for true love to grow between you and Laura, you have to give her the space and time for it.
To curb your obsessive thinking, I recommend that you take part in therapy and read “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie.
Develop your hobbies; spend more time with your friends; find a job that inspires you. When you invest energy in yourself, you not only increase your self-esteem, but also make you more attractive to your girlfriend – a win-win situation.
Dear Annie: I’ve been in a relationship with “Maddy” for three years, a wonderful woman who has only one child, “Joseph”, a 40 year old who is a total mommy boy (to say the least).
Joseph refuses to deal with me. He has never visited us at home. Maddy visits him every year and usually stays for a month. This year she wants to stay six weeks. I would like to go with her, but I can’t because Joseph doesn’t want me in his house. So I stay home every time. He shows me neither respect nor interest. He doesn’t seem to care how either of us is really doing. Maddy just accepts his behavior and tells me to get over it because he’s their only child. I understand her connection, but I think she should be thinking about me and my feelings too. What should I do about this dilemma? I’m starting to think that maybe she should just stay with her son instead of me. – Unhappy friend
Dear Unfortunate One, If the relationship is to work, it must address your concerns with more than a “get over it”. In a non-accusatory tone, let her know that it hurts if she doesn’t seem to take your feelings seriously. Make it clear that this is an important issue for you without giving ultimatums. Hopefully she will work towards a compromise that shows that she values your relationship. If nothing changes, it may be time to move on.
Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected]