Ken Hoffman on cute new dog breeds and a creepy Father’s Day gift

Like most badass but meek columnists, I’m inundated with publicists who sell their clients’ products and services for special occasions and holidays like birthdays, graduations, Christmas, weddings, Valentine’s Day, National Hot Fudge Sundae Day and, of course, Father’s Day – this is this one Sunday.

Most Father’s Day gift suggestions are predictable: clothes, slippers, restaurant coupons, books, concert tickets, the dreaded tie, etc.

Then there was that of the publicist who works for a company called The Postage in Houston …

The postage “provides a place to save your funeral and plans for your death,” such as document storage, password management, leaving messages for loved ones, estate planning, and even “planning” your own funeral. The idea is to be ready when your time is up so your family can focus on grieving for your loss rather than paperwork and logistics. It makes sense.

The cost is $ 9.99 per month, a steal when end-of-life details can be tens of thousands of dollars if you go down the path of a private attorney and financial advisor. While I understand the need to fix your things for the inevitable, let’s just say, if I get this as a Father’s Day gift on Sunday, I’ll sleep with one eye open.

A little worth knowing

Today’s worth knowing: What do these four things have in common: Biewer, Dogo Argentino, Barbet and the Belgian Laekenois? (Answer below)

Um, what happened to the No Call List?

Remember when the Texas Legislature passed House Act 472 in 2001, banning unwanted phone calls and introducing the Texas No Call List (texasnocall.com)? That was at the top of the National No Call List (donotcall.gov). The penalties for any annoying, unsolicited call to either your cell phone or landline should be between $ 100 and $ 25,000.

That was really cute from the legislature. So how come I’ve “won” about a hundred free cruises and weekend stays at Marriott and Hilton Hotels in the past year? Telemarketing calls from pests are worse than ever.

I know I can’t answer caller ID numbers I don’t know, but I’m obsessive, I can’t resist. I always think it’s someone offering me a better job or a lost relative saying I inherited a fortune.

If you sign up for a no-call list and still receive one, it is recommended that you call the Consumer Protection Department of the Public Utilities Commission or our Attorney General’s office. I would stay with the PUC. Our attorney general may be busy with personal matters.

Note to lawmakers, instead of spending your time dictating to Texans what they can and can’t do with their bodies and ignoring the rundown power grid, how about doing something about telemarketing calls (really this time) and Legalize marijuana (60 percent.). Support) and expand gambling (74 percent in favor).

Ken is really out there

I will officially end my personal COVID lockdown and self-quarantine in 2020-21 by attending Comedian Sebastian Maniscalco’s show at the Smart Financial Center in Sugar Land on July 21st. He’s the absolute best. Then Jim Gaffigan on August 29th, Ron White on November 12th at Smart Financial, the Astros pennant ride in Minute Maid Park and my annual pilgrimage to Nice, France. In the words of Frank Costanza, “I’m back baby.”

I am a huge tennis fan. So my perspective on Grand Slam tournaments has changed. I used to fire either Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal to victory. Now I just want Novak Djokovic to lose. Unfortunately, I haven’t received my request lately. Djokovic won this year’s Australian Open and French Open. He’s still an unsympathetic ass.

Trivia answer

These names are the four newest dog breeds recognized by the American Kennel Club in 2021 for the Westminster Dog Show. The Biewer is a long-haired toy terrier, the Dogo Argentino is a sturdy, muscular pooch with smooth fur, Barbet is a bearded dog with curly hair, and the Belgian Laekenois (pictured) is a shepherd with a shaggy canine history.

There are more than 200 dog breeds – not including my mutt Sally, who was advertised as a Schnauzer that would weigh about 35 pounds but turned out to be a Wheaten Terrier mix, now weighing 70 pounds. Because of her, I’m half asleep out of bed. She also has the Jimmy leg.

If it means anything, I suspected that Biewer, Dogo Argentino, Barbet, and the Belgian Laekenois were varieties of wine.

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